This weeks assignment asked us to think of a time when we were in a conflict with a peer or other professional. The first instance that came to mind was that of a parent who is quite angry with me due to his son's educational placement. He was placed in my classroom on a (DD) Developmentally Delayed ESE label, which expires at the age of 6 in the state of Florida. From the time he entered my classroom I informed his mother through formal meetings that I did not see a lot of indicators of Autism and felt that he may not qualify for a label of Autism under the guidelines of the school district. As the year went on I continued to remind her of this while placing her child out into the mainstream for part of the day. I began to prepare both of them for the transition in which I expected and shared this with her.
When it came time to do the evaluations on the child in fact he did not qualify for an Autism label under district guidelines and standardized assessments, which were administered. His speech label was changed to a label of LI (Language Impaired) and the only choice for placement was basic ed. We once again met with the mother and explained all of this process to her. We explained that he would be placed in basic education as we did not see the behaviors that she claimed to see at home. She agreed and stated that she understood.
Then the child was placed in basic education and it became a whole different story. She began calling our district office saying that I had made these changes on my own and was wrong in doing so. I agreed to meet with the mother and she kept saying, "But I don't understand, this is all your fault." I continued to explain to the mother that we had discussed this information and that she should be pleased that her child was doing so well that he would be placed full-time in basic education. This however, was not what she wanted to hear. She began to tell us about how she doesn't discipline and he can call her whatever he wants, she just ignores his behavior. It was quite clear that this was a home problem and being as respectful as possible, I began to tell her so. This can be very difficult for educators of children with special needs because at times regardless of how uncomfortable it is to say, we need to say it, as the parents need to hear it. By simply ignoring that is is an issue it will only continue to become bigger and more difficult to find a replacement behavior for.
I used compassion and began to find her resources that could assist with parenting classes and counseling for both her and her children. This seemed to calm her as she began to see that there were community resources in which she could turn to. I offered to contact my school Social Worker to find additional resources and assistance for her situation. She then began to cry and it was clear that she was just frustrated with her child and could not understand how we could easily manage his behavior but, it was so difficult for her.
When working with this parent this school year, I can continue to use the 3 R's when communicating with her. I must remember to respect her parenting skills even though they may not be the best. My relationships with her must be reciprocal and I must take the time to truly listen to her needs and then find solutions to the issues that she is facing. As an educator, I must remember that being responsible is doing what is best for the child, even if it means that I will be forced to have unpleasant conversations with parents from time to time.
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